Someone Get That Cervidae some Contact Lenses

A lesson for those driving back after a night in Cherokee, IA:

In New Jersey, lightning bugs are abundant, but they keep their flashes of brilliance to the woods, just beyond the border of your property. You know what I'm talking about. They perform, like a fireworks show, but don't tend to congregate nearby. Here in Iowa, they take their business to right along the side of the road. Hey, more power to them, except . . .

Back home, I've learned to spot deer on the side of the road by spotting two little balls of light, their eyes reflecting the headlights. Apparently, two flashing lightning bugs side by side looks exactly like a deer with a retinal condition. The end result is me thinking I see a deer every 6 feet, forcing me to stop and go more than (insert joke here) (zing).

The most dangerous animal might actually be a deer with something in it's eye, causing it to blink a lot, making me think it's just lightning bugs, lulling me into a false sense of complacency, before it pounces onto the road for a game of tag. And also, it shoots lasers out of it's eyes.

"Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see."
-- Jack Handey